Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
