Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
