I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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