Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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