It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
is that a dick in a sweater?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
