Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
