last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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