Michael Bay diarrhea
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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