Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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