Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
