and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
