I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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