i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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