some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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