dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
