Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
