apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
