I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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