he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
