Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
