im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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