watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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