i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
