you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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