I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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