Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
