my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
