Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
