Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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