im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize