Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
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