I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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