Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
