blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
