Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
How's work?
Spinning.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
