so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
