So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
