I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
