Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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