Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
