i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
