Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
