you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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