So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
