You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize