we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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