my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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