I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
