wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
