then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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