And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
