It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
