So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
