i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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