I didn't shave. On purpose
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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