STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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