no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
