i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
