Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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