i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
