hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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