i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Two words: nipple clamps
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