Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
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