Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
