I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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