i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
