found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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