I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
