A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
