Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
