Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
