he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
