ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
