my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
