um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
