all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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