you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
