There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We have started to decorate penises.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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